Getting To Know Your Spouse

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When you’re dating someone new, you want to know everything about him or her. This person is all you think about… all day every day. You can’t get enough of them.

But after being married for a few years, this curiosity often tends to die. You spend every day with this person and eventually you start to take them for granted. You think you know everything about them… there’s nothing more to learn.

But you must understand that we as humans are constantly changing. We’re constantly growing, maturing, and our passions and desires change with time.

Well, in order to cultivate a long lasting marriage, you must be constantly keeping up with the “updated version” of your spouse.

Truly, you should be “getting to know” your spouse for the rest of your lives together. So let’s chat.

Be A Good Listener

This can especially be a problem for men. We, as men, are often caught up with what happened at work. Or maybe distracted by an exciting fishing trip coming up.

This does apply to women as well, but men are notoriously known for not being good at listening. So it’s important to actively listen to your spouse when she (or he) is communicating with you.

Keep in mind that hearing and listening is not the same thing. You hear with your ears only… but truly listening involves your heart. Open your ears and heart and really hear what your spouse is telling you. Maybe even paraphrase what she says so that she knows you’re listening. Be reassuring and supportive of her thoughts and beliefs.


Again, this is something that both men and women need to work on, but especially men. We tend to bottle things up. Emotional talks might make us uncomfortable, but it’s necessary if you really want to understand your spouse.

Don’t only communicate with words. You should really study your partner and learn their love language. Different people receive feelings of affection in various ways.

For your spouse, it may be physical touch. Maybe it’s verbal… or receiving gifts. The point is, study your partner and actively engage her in a way that will really speak to her heart.


It’s also important to accept who your spouse is. You married your partner for who he or she is… and you can’t change that now. So as you learn about your partner, accept what you learn and focus on the positive traits that caused you to fall in love in the first place.

Never Take Her (Or Him) For Granted

As humans, we tend to become too comfortable and often complacent in familiar surroundings. This is dangerous in a marriage. It’s important to constantly focus on how lucky you are to have found your partner.

Avoid making assumptions and pledge to honor, respect, and love your partner no matter what. Make your wedding vows MEAN something.

Stay Intimate

One thing that many couples give up after several years of marriage is date night. Especially when you start to have children, it becomes increasingly difficult to set aside time for just you and your partner. But maintaining date nights and changing up your activities will do wonders for strengthening your bond over time.

lovers in bedAlso, don’t allow the romance to die. You don’t need to make a big grandiose gesture on a regular basis… simple things like slipping a love note into your wife’s purse every now and then can do wonders for your relationship. There’s no limit to romantic gestures that you can do for your partner.

And let’s not forget about sex! Contrary to what the evolution theory might suggest, sex is very powerful and was designed by God to create a very powerful bond between man and wife. Don’t let the intimacy die… make a point of being intimate with your partner several times a week and keep things interesting 🙂

When you can keep the passion alive between you and your spouse, you’ll find that you will stay hungry for knowledge about him or her. You’ll stay passionate, and pleasing your partner will become something that you enjoy rather than something you just do out of obligation.

Thoughts? Comments? Leave ‘em down below!


  1. Zane A

    I don’t think there is a one size fits all “guide” to getting to know your wife!

    1. Post
      Elwin Leos

      Definitely not 🙂 We are all complex beings but I hope that the article did shed some light!

  2. Chelsea

    My hubby is not accepting who I am. We constantly disagree on what to do with our money. He’s constantly checking my account and criticising how I spend my money…

    1. Post
      Elwin Leos

      You guys need to see a marriage counselor. Sorry to be so blunt but you have separate checking accounts?? You’re married, what’s yours is his and vice versa! Your problem is more than money and I hope you guys can figure out your differences!

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